Supporting & Encouraging

6 months ago, I decided that I wanted to become more supportive and encouraging towards my husband. I delved deep into what each of these mean. More specifically what they meant for our marriage.

Support- Has many definitions but basically talks about how someone or something bears all or some the weight. So in marriage, this would mean that I would be ready to take on all the weight of his responsibilities or a partial of them. That I would help carry his load.

Encourage- this definition was similar except it had more to do with words while support was more an action. Encouraging your spouse was about providing advice or words of inspiration to help them stay on the path they are on, or words that will inspire them to find their path. In aspect of marriage, this is about being mindful of your words towards your spouse.

When taking these definitions into account I really looked into my marriage and wanted to know where I was lacking. One of the places I realized that I kept back was for me to support all his endeavors, and I mean ALL of them. Even the ones that make zero sense to me. I kept him from something that was important to him because I didn’t understand it. I learned and came to the realization, that my job is not to understand my husbands antics, wants, or endeavors but to stand by him and say I don’t understand but I believe in you and trust that you know what you are doing.

For an example, my husband has always wanted a 5 ton. It is a massive military truck. I never took him seriously and brushed it off. Eventually I moved onto putting stipulations on his desire. That, once this is taken care of, or when this happened, or when the kids were older we could look into getting him his truck. But when a friend made the comment about supporting your spouse even if it didn’t make sense to you, you trust them. So I finally went to my husband and I told him that I was done holding him back from all his endeavors, including purchasing a vehicle that made zero sense to me. So within a few months of planning and envisioning his dream vehicle he found exactly what he wanted for the price he set. This was an example of encouraging my husband, that when other trucks didn’t work out, I gave him words of love, hope, and confidence that he would find his dream truck when the time was right.

My example of support, is a little bit more heavy. I’ve talked about my husbands depression on here before, but for those who missed that post. My husband suffers from chronic depression, and in the last 18 months recently has gained more issues that have amplified his depression and medication doesn’t really help. He would lay in bed for days unable to function and it was on me to carry his load. Some may say that is unfair to me, but when I married my husband I accepted that some days I would have to be the strong one. I would have to do most of the work. I am not here to complain about the situation, it is what it is and I have accepted it. But one of the things I learned in doing this was finding the line between enabling him and supporting him. I knew that some days he would need those days. But I also learned that I deserved a healthy and happy husband. So I found how to support him without enabling by encouraging him to continue to work with doctors, try new natural ways of healing, making appointments for him, and basically anything I could do to help him be the best version of himself while at the same time allowing him the time he needed to rest. The result was we were able to find solutions and we have experienced less days in bed and more days reaching goals. We still have a ways to go but we get closer every day as I continue to support him.

Supporting and encouraging your spouse will look different for everyone, because every marriage has different challenges and different strengths and weaknesses. But one thing to remember, is that to support your spouse, is to be willing to carry their load, whatever that may be. Encouraging your spouse is about being conscious of the words you use in your relationship with your spouse. How can you be more supportive and encouraging to your spouse?