This blog post is specifically for the wives, but I also believe some husbands could use this information too. One of the biggest challenges I faced when getting married, was that I gradually lost myself. It happened so slowly that I did not know what happened till I woke up one day feeling pretty unhappy. That was not a normal emotion for me because I am usually a very happy person. But as I changed my focus to being a mom and wife, I stopped focusing on being a women, and doing things that brought me joy.
The first problem I faced when I decided to re-find myself, was the feeling of guilt!! Mom and wife guilt. It wasn’t that my husband wasn’t supportive, or others weren’t supportive. It was the pressure that society places on us, pressure that we need to be able to do it all. That we are the only ones good enough to raise our kids. That they are our kids and we should not burden others with them. It was the wife guilt, that my husband works and seeks to provide for us, being a full time student, and needing his own time. I couldn’t ask him to watch our kids so I can go to a tap class. This guilt kept me from allowing myself to flourish again.
When I allowed my guilt to win, my marriage and my parenting suffered. I was irritable, tired, and unfulfilled. I finally allowed myself to say yes, and you know what happened? I was able to step into the wife and mother I always wanted to be while also being the women I was meant to be. I was more patient and loving. I enjoyed my time more with my kids and husband.
Saying yes that first time is hard, especially if you’ve denied yourself for so long. You need that time to take a break from your kids, to enjoy the things you love doing. For me, it was going back to tapping like I did when I was younger, it was going to events and signing up for courses that increase my knowledge in any spectrum of learning, and it was finding time to crochet or play the piano. What do you need to say yes too? What have you been denying yourself because of the guilt of taking time for yourself? It doesn’t have to be long, it doesn’t have to often, it just needs to be something that brings you joy and it needs to be done where you can step away from motherhood and wife-hood so you can focus on yourself as a women. Tap into your feminine energy!