Lately, I have been seeing a lot of posts about mindsets. Mostly money mindsets or positive mindsets. But it got me to start thinking about marriage mindsets. Like most mindsets, there are a lot of different types of marriage mindsets. A few that come to mind are:
- It’s your spouses responsibility to keep you happy
- That marriages are about being unhappy so there’s no point trying to work for a better marriage
- That happiness will come in the next phase of life, I just need to get through this one
- All marriages fail so why even try
The list can go on! These are just a few negative mindsets that I have experienced. Because as we go through life, our mindset will continue to change. But, are you allowing it to change for the better or worse?
The most recent mindset I have been dealing with when it comes to marriage is the we’ll be happy eventually. We just need time, or money, or more kids, less kids, better job, different job, etc! I was in this place where I knew we could be happy but I believed it just wasn’t our time yet. But I recently started spending more time on personal development and I began to see the error of my ways. I thought if I just waited for something, we would create or find our ideal marriage. But the fact is, to create or find you must take action! You cannot expect to create something by just holding a needle and a thread, you must move them. You cannot expect to find your ideal marriage without picking up a flashlight and moving it towards where you want to be.
Taking action means you need to switch your mindset to a more positive one. Such as:
- I am responsible for my own happiness
- My marriage is what I make it not what others say it is
- I can find happiness in my marriage now, no matter the phase I am in
- Marriage only fails when I stop trying
Switching your mindset to focus on yourself, helps you to move forward. Because when your mindset is focused outward it places responsibility on those who do not care. But when you turn your mindset inward, you accept the responsibility and put more effort into your marriage because you do care.
Obviously you’ll never reach a picture perfect marriage where every day you get along 100% of the time. Dr Van Epp wrote in his book ‘Becoming Better Together’ that, “healthy relationships are always in a state of balancing”. As new obstacles and changes happen in life, you take the time to re-balance your relationship so that it continues to be your ideal marriage. I believe it all starts with having a healthy marriage mindset.
In the end it is about believing you deserve a happy marriage now. I also feel it is about believing in your marriage and it’s endless possibilities of happiness right now. Stop waiting for something to change or happen in your marriage, but be the change. Inspiration starts with one person’s willingness to take action.
I heard all these philosophies before I got married. To the idea that unhappinessis a given, and to the idea that happiness will “eventually” come, I’d often joke that I didn’t see the point in getting married just to be miserable, when I could handle misery just fine in my own. Most people got the joke. But I was always surprised at those who didn’t, who thought I was chosing to be single because I wanted the misery. For those people, I never found a way to express that life is made up of bouts of happiness and sadness, and marriage is in part about the sharing of both. Neither my wife nor I are experts, but “sorrow divided and joy multiplied” is a relatively simple (if not always easy) concept.
Really informative article. Thanks Again. Really Cool. Flora Nichole Johppah
I believe everything published made a bunch of sense. Dede Natale Oringa
Hi there mates, its great piece of writing regarding tutoringand fully defined, keep it up all the time. Wileen Lothaire Vitoria
Undeniably believe that which you said. Your favorite justification appeared to be on the web the simplest thing to be aware of. Moyra Piggy Schilit
I reckon something genuinely interesting about your web blog so I saved to fav. Sabine Deck Hyacinthie
I really liked your blog article. Much thanks again. Great. Mariann Richmound Vins
I really like and appreciate your article post. Awesome. Milena Ricky Townshend
Very good article. Really looking forward to read more. Really Great. Josy Hagen Shurwood
Chicagoan Rachael Jimenez has gone on necessary dates without constantly leaving her couch. Yolande Meyer Akers
You are my breathing in, I have few web logs and infrequently run out from to brand. Josee Bartlet Carlynn
Great, thanks for sharing this blog article. Really thank you! Awesome. Inga Dalis Ambrosi
You completed certain nice points there. I did a search on the subject matter and found the majority of folks will go along with with your blog. Kelley Jecho Pope
I cannot thank you enough for the blog post. Thanks Again. Great. Melita Gav Kassaraba