High or Low Drive

Growing up I always heard the common warning, “boys only have one thing on their mind”. Many forms of media showed that it was the husband who constantly sought their wife for sex. I begin to believe that women did not care for sex while men always wanted it. It was not till recently that I learned that your sex drive is not dependent on your gender.

I believed that there was something wrong with me because in my marriage I had the high sex drive. I was confused when my husband said no because the world made it seem like men always wanted it. I felt that there was something wrong with me because I always wanted it and my husband did not. It wasn’t till a year into my marriage and I was taking a class that I learned about sex drive and how gender has nothing to do with it.

In your marriage, someone will have a higher sex drive, and it will not always be the husband. It can even change as you go through different life cycles, or it can stay the same. Regardless of which gender has the higher sex drive, it is important to know yours and your spouse’s so you each can have a better understanding of each other and your needs.

For those with a high sex drive they feel unloved and unattractive when their spouses say no. Those with a low sex drive feel like a sex toy because they feel their spouse only wants sex from them. These were feelings my husband and I had but were unaware of because we did not talk about it. When we finally talked about it we were able to better understand each other and stop having negative feelings towards each other, ourselves, and sex.

If you have the higher sex drive, do not be offended or upset when your spouse says no. It sucks but let them know you’d like sex and ask them if we could plan it for the following day. That allows the one with the lower sex drive to start getting in the mood so when the time comes they are just as excited as you to have sex. Another tip is to go against your instinct and allow the lower sex drive spouse to instigate sex. Allow them to make the first move.

If you have the lower sex drive, say yes every once in awhile when you do not feel like it. I’m not saying to say yes every time but if it has been a while and your not feeling it but your spouse wants to do it. In the end, you’ll be glad you said yes. To go along with when you plan to have sex, seek ways to excite yourself and your spouse without being asked too. You both know the plan is to have sex so take the initiative and make the first move so they will feel you want it just as much as they do. This will also get you more excited for the night too.

Sex in marriage is a beautiful and sacred act between two individuals who love and care for each other deeply. Do not be afraid to discuss your concerns with it with your spouse and find what works best for you. As you do so, other aspects of your marriage will flourish as you build that deeper connection with each other.