Not sure about you, but I struggle with being vulnerable in front my husband. I find it easier to open up to a stranger about my struggles and trials than my own husband. As I have contemplated this, I found that I struggle most after he tells me how amazing I am. I felt that I could not open up to him because I did not want him to think less of me, so I would struggle in silence. I realized that I was hypocritical too! Because I wanted my husband to share with me his struggles but kept my own from him. This last week I was able to tackle this struggle head on and I learned a valuable lesson.
Earlier this week, I was struggling with feelings of sadness, stress, and anxiety. I was facing some unpleasant thoughts about myself and my ability. I wanted to turn to my husband but I felt that it would diminish my worth in his eyes. After a day or two of struggling with myself I finally went to my husband and I told him I was sad. We were able to sit and talk about what was going on and how I was feeling. After our heartfelt conversation was done, my husband told me he loved me and that I was amazing.
We too often think that the people we love the most, and their opinion of us matters the most, will think less of us when we struggle. The reality is, they know we are human and they wont think less of us because we struggle but they will feel important to us because we have trusted them enough to share our deep and personal struggles. Though the problems that made me sad did not disappear, my heart felt lighter because someone was there holding the burden with me. I felt my husband’s strength beside me as he helped me know that he was there to hold me when I am sad and to be a listening ear when I need to talk.
A few days after our heart felt conversation about me, my husband opened up to me about something that has been bothering him. It’s hard to make that first move to vulnerability with your spouse, but I found when I opened up to him, he felt safe enough to open up to me. We cannot expect our spouse to share their vulnerable side if we are not willing to do the same. Opening up to your spouse when you are hurt, sad, or have feelings of depression is hard to do for a variety of reasons. Whether it is you not wanting them to know you struggle, or not wanting to burden them, or because it is their actions that are making you feel that way it is a big step to improving your marriage and creating a bond that will allow each of you to grow and become aware of the needs of each other.