I did a post a while back and a comment was made asking if they were a bad husband because they didn’t do something my husband does. Obviously the answer is no because you cannot determine what would work for your marriage based on others. But we have all read those or at least seen the blog post on marriages. “10 things your husband should be doing” Daily questions to ask your spouse” or “5 ways a wife should show her husband she loves him daily”. They can be very damaging posts because we start playing the comparison game. I’m not sure why, but I have always enjoyed reading them or even marriage and relationship books because my outlook is not comparison but curiosity.
When I read these posts, I have fell into that trap of, my husband doesn’t do that or I would put more pressure on myself trying to ask all the questions all the time. More often though I see possibilities. I have learned that these post are from someone very different than me but I can still learn from them and adapt them to my life. Seeking the principle behind the action and finding an action that works better for my marriage.
With the example of the post I made. My husband opens the door for me almost all the time. This act is not for everyone. But the underlying principle is for everyone and that is service. It is an act that helps create an opportunity for feminine and masculine energy to work together. It is the man stepping into his masculinity and showering his wife with a service so she can embody her feminine energy more fully. In it’s simplest form, it is just service. Finding a way to serve your spouse even if it is an act they are perfectly capable of doing.
So next time you see those posts look for the underlying principle and stop focusing on the action because each couple and each individual are different. Something that works now, might not work in a few years, because life changes.