We all talk mom guilt, but what about wife guilt? That nagging feeling that as a wife, you are always needing something from your husband. The feeling that you are inconveniencing your spouse when you ask them to watch the kids. That feeling when you are longer than expected and the kids start to began to be difficult. But why? Why do we feel guilty for asking for help from the one person who promised to do it with us.
For a long time, I felt guilty because I felt my husband was angry about the situation. I felt guilty because he already had so much on his plate that I didn’t want to add to it. I believed that the kids were my sole responsibility. I then started blaming my husband for the guilt I was having because he always seemed to be in a bad mood afterwards. But I soon learned that this was an image I was placing on him as well as he was mirroring my own behavior.
So what did I do, I shifted my mindset. I stopped thinking my husband dreaded watching the kids. When he shared that the kids were being extra difficult, I empathized but then expressed gratitude for the opportunity I was able to have time for myself. I told him how grateful I was to have a husband who I felt I could be at peace knowing our kids were being taken care of. I stopped seeing a husband who was disgruntled with taking care of kids and saw a man glad to be with his kids. I stopped apologizing for behaviors I had no control over, I stopped apologizing about prioritizing my self care or desire to grocery shop alone. I had to switch my mindset around the guilt I was feeling and replaced it with gratitude.