Need or Want

The concept of needing over wanting has been on my mind lately, especially since I started working and creating my business. When I Seth and I first got married, we both decided I would be a stay at home mom and he would provide for our family. It was what we both wanted. I have no regrets on the matter and was grateful for the first few years of our marriage where I could stay home, finish my education and enjoy my first three pregnancies without working. Some may say I needed my husband because if he left I would be alone to raise three kids on my own and the same could be said for Seth that he needed me because who would care for his children if I left. But now with me helping to supply an extra income from home, there’s no one to say I need Seth. The fact is though, I have never felt I needed Seth, it has always been I wanted him.

I can probably look back and think I needed Seth before I started to help bring in income, but having the mindset of needing over wanting is negative and damaging to marriages. When you need someone, you can start to resent them. You can start to blame them for your unhappiness. You can start believing that they are at fault for you not reaching your full potential. But when you want them, you are grateful for their love and support. You feel love and inspired by their presence. You begin to grow because you want to be the best you can be because of them.

When you have the need mindset, you create negative energy in marriage because needing something creates guilt when you do not have it. Needing your husband, creates guilt of not being enough for them so you worry they’ll leave you. Needing to be the stay at home parent causes guilt when you start to feel frustration and anger towards your children. Needing to be the provider for your family creates guilt when you struggle to put food on the table, or feel guilt about not being home because you’re working all the time.

Now when you change need to want, the guilt goes away. You want your spouse, so you start making choices that bring you closer together. You want to to be the stay at home parent, so you make choices that allow you to do that. You want to provide for your family, so you look for ways to create residual or passive income that allows you to still be present while providing.

Though I never needed Seth, I wanted him. I wanted his help in raising the kids, I wanted him to be our main provider, I wanted him to share in all the good and bad memories. It’s not about needing someone, it’s about wanting them. It’s not about relying on them to fulfill your needs, but having someone to share the joys of life. It’s about switching your mindset from needing to wanting because then you start seeing solutions instead of problems.