This last year was a whirlwind of emotions and changes. Seth and I started the year with a massive amount of debt and we were unsure of how to take care of it. We had just found out we were expecting another child. Seth was still experiencing intense migraines and none of the treatments and medications the doctors put him on were working. This compounded the many other situations and challenges we were already facing. The year was starting to look very bleak and unsure, but as we moved forward we learned many valuable lessons in our marriage.
Lesson one, make date nights a priority. We could have let all the challenges we faced tear us apart, and I am sure that if we didn’t go on weekly date nights they would have. We made sure to spend quality time together so that as the different stressors got on top of us we knew we had each other to rely on.
Lesson two, time is your greatest asset in marriage. We learned when to take time apart and when to spend time together. If your marriage is struggling, spend more time together. Talk about what you want in your marriage and what needs you feel are not being met. If you are struggling individually, spend time apart. Take a break from the world you live in. Take a step back from everything and find out what you truly want in life.
Lesson three, be independently united. Come together often and talk about your struggles and trials. Talk about your wins and accomplishments. But also be aware that your happiness and satisfaction in life have nothing to do with your spouse. They are not responsible for your life and, vice versus, you are not responsible for them. Celebrate and mourn with your spouse but do not try to control what your spouse worries about, focus on yourself.
Lesson four, ask for support not permission. Unless you can read minds, you have no idea the connections that your spouse makes. Why will a 5 ton truck bring them success and joy? Why purchasing an all women’s mom retreat will help them be a better mom? You do not know, and frankly you do not need to know. If it makes sense to them and it is something they feel very strongly about doing support them in their choices.
Lesson five, start with the Lord’s will first. You know the saying ‘when all else fails…’? Don’t wait for everything to fail before seeking the Lord’s guidance. You can save a lot of heart ache when you start with what the Lord’s will is. When you seek his path for you, for your marriage, and for your happiness he will gladly provide you with the answers.
Each of these lessons allowed Seth and I to find more love and compassion in our marriage. Create a strong bond that is and will stand against all the fiery darts of the adversary. We are excited to start this next year because this year, we are starting with zero debt, a plan that is working for his migraines, and 4 happy children who are relatively healthy(we have a bug passing through our house currently).